


i have died everyday waiting for you

by 1ho



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Additional Warnings Apply, I'M EDITING THESE TAGS RN TO INCLUDE THEM, M/M, Suicide, even tho everyone's dead?, hyungwon is death, i'm sry i had to, idek, idk man, is this angst?, it actually ends sort of happily?, oH MY GOD I FORGOT TO PUT WARNINGS I'M SO SORRY, there's a mention of the ass tattoo, wonho keeps almost dying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-03-30
Packaged: 2018-05-30 03:21:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6406621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/1ho/pseuds/1ho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every once in a while, Hyungwon would meet someone interesting, someone who took the time to converse with him before being transported to the afterlife. No one, however, compared to Shin Hoseok.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i have died everyday waiting for you

**Author's Note:**

> basically i was thinking about death a lot for some reason and i had a lot of hyungwonho feels then i saw the prompt "imagine person a is death and is tasked with taking person b’s soul, but has fallen in love with them" and this happened
> 
> thank you ina (aka kihyun trash) for helping me read over the fic!!! ily girl!!!

Everyone knew Hyungwon, but not many knew him by name. Most commonly known as Death, the mysterious figure definitely didn't have a reputation for being the warmest guy around. This wasn't helped by the fact that a cloud of dread trailed him wherever he went, or by the fact that with mere visits he tore apart families, friends, and lovers, he ripped away the potential of young geniuses, and he indiscriminately plucked good and bad people alike from the world of the living. But beings like him had to comply to a certain set of rules in order to keep the balance of the universe in check; in short, his job was his job and he only did what was necessary.

When he met some people, they spat and cursed at his arrival, willing him to just give them more _time_ and return another day. Humans were greedy, always wanting _more_ despite what they'd already been given. While they were living, they sought more _money_ , and upon the arrival of Death, they wished for more _time_.

One such human was a big CEO Hyungwon took a few months ago. Fairly young, impeccably dressed in a crisp black suit, and perfectly healthy before the moment of his death, the man had already been well off, yet was driven by a constant desire for _more_. The man had been undeniably intelligent, but he wasn't the most moral of people and conned colleagues and rivals alike out of money for his own benefit. While this gave him wealth he wouldn't have otherwise acquired and enough money to do whatever he pleased in life, it also earned him a fair share of enemies in high positions. These enemies were what led to his death. When Hyungwon stood in front of the man, sprawled out on the floor with a bullet between his eyes, the man begged and pleaded for _more_ time, claiming that he hadn't had enough when, just the other day, Hyungwon had taken a stillborn baby. Hyungwon felt no pity for someone so filled with greed.

Like with the man, all requests for extra time fell upon deaf ears. Hyungwon didn't feel much sympathy for humanity. Their emotions were too intense, yet somehow simultaneously shallow and fleeting in comparison to his own. For a species who prided themselves on being capable of rational thought, they weren't very rational at all.

There was a boy, a kid of no more than fifteen years old, who'd begged and begged for Hyungwon to let him live despite the conditions he'd survived in. When Hyungwon met the kid, he'd been sickly and malnourished, unable to muster up enough energy to do anything. The kid had been surrounded by poverty and grief in a region too far for aid to reach. All around him, what little was left of his friends and family were no better off than himself. Despite the fact that the afterlife offered more comfort and companionship than the kid ever had in his lifetime, he kicked and screamed to come back alive. The kid's anger was overwhelming, yet he felt it so irrationally for so little reason. There was nothing in life for the kid, but he still clung on and refused to let it go.

There were people Hyungwon met more than once, those who brushed up against him but ultimately escaped his clutches. These interactions fascinated Hyungwon the most, as by the time he finally got them, these people would feel somewhat like old friends. Their faces would be familiar and recognition would flash in their eyes when Hyungwon came for them. Sometimes, Hyungwon would feel a little guilty for taking these people. They were the only thing that provided him with a sense of companionship.

Among these people, Hyungwon vividly remembers a man who was a young soldier slowly bleeding to death on a battlefield when they first came into contact, and an old man who lay peacefully in bed when Hyungwon finally took him. The man had been begging and pleading for Hyungwon to end his misery the first time, but Hyungwon had just laid his icy fingers on the man's wrist when others had found him and rescued him, successfully prying him away from Hyungwon's grip. When Hyungwon met him again as an old man, he'd smiled at Hyungwon and asked, "You're back?" Hyungwon nodded in response before sliding his arms under the man's back and carrying him off.

Every once in a while, Hyungwon would meet someone interesting, someone who took the time to converse with him before being transported to the afterlife. No one, however, compared to Shin Hoseok.

The first time Hyungwon met Hoseok, he was just a kid. Their meeting was brief, a passing moment of eye contact before the doctors revived Hoseok on the hospital bed. The boy hadn't been scared, but rather curious at the sight of Hyungwon gliding towards him. Intrigued, after Hyungwon had backed off he observed Hoseok a little longer, watching the boy's mother dote on him while sobbing at his bedside. There was something _different_ about the way Hoseok's doe eyes glinted under the light, holding a complexity uncharacteristic of a child so young. Later, Hyungwon checked his files on the boy and committed his name to memory. Thus, Shin Hoseok was marked out of billions as one for Hyungwon to watch.

The second time Hyungwon met Hoseok, he was a reckless teenager who'd made a few too many bad decisions. A limp body lay crumpled over a motorcycle that'd run into a wall, blood spilling from a large gash on the head and limbs bent at all sorts of unnatural angles. The sight didn't surprise Hyungwon, he'd seen many a drunken accident over the years. What did shock Hyungwon, however, was how calmly Hoseok took the sight of his own mangled body. The boy let out a low whistle.

"I sure fucked up this time, didn't I?" Hoseok chuckled. "This is worse than the impromptu ass tattoo. Can't say I didn't see it coming though."

"You're taking this awfully calmly." Hyungwon wondered if Hoseok understood the situation he was in.

Hoseok simply shrugged. "Life's short. Everyone's got to go someday, I guess my time just came sooner rather than later. It's not like I was destined to be anything great anyway." Hoseok's eyes briefly reflected the ache he felt inside, but the emotion passed in an instant. He took a moment to pause and let out a shallow sigh. "I suppose I'll miss my mom and my friends, and I guess there were more things I wanted to try while I was alive, but whatever, man."

"The afterlife's not so bad once you adjust. You're already dead, so there's not much you _can't_ do, and there's all sorts of people to meet and associate with." Or so Hyungwon had heard. The afterlife was somewhere he'd never been himself, he simply delivered souls. Some part of Hyungwon felt for Hoseok, and wanted to comfort the boy before he moved on.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

Hoseok nodded, seemingly satisfied with what he'd been told.

"You got a name?" Hoseok inquired.

Hyungwon paused. Only a handful of people knew his real name, but something about Hoseok invited him to tell the boy. He figured that there was no harm in letting the boy know, since he was about to move on anyway.

"Hyungwon."

Hoseok grinned. "I'm Hoseok, but my friends call me Wonho."

"Nice to meet you."

"So you're Death?" And there it was again, that same curiosity Hoseok's eyes held the first time they met.

"Yup."

"I don't know what I was expecting, but definitely not you."

Hyungwon shrugged. "Many people feel that way."

"I don't know, man. I expected you to be wearing a flowing black robe or something not… this. Who knew Death wore oversized sweaters and ripped jeans?"

Hyungwon let out a laugh before a siren signaled the arrival of an ambulance. Before he knew it, Hoseok was being brought to the hospital and an invisible force had dragged Hyungwon away from Hoseok, allowing the boy to escape the clutches of Death once more.

The third time Hyungwon met Hoseok, he'd been at the beach with some friends. Seawater surrounded every inch of Hoseok's body and flooded his lungs. Unbeknownst to his companions, still happily playing on the shore waiting for Hoseok to come back from his "quick swim", Hoseok sunk deeper and deeper into the ocean. When Hoseok spotted Hyungwon, he waved at him like an old friend.

"So we meet again." Hoseok said with a grin. Hyungwon raised an eyebrow.

"This is the second time we've met because you got yourself into an accident, I didn't peg you as an idiot." Rather than taking offense to Hyungwon's words, Hoseok laughed them off.

"Like I said last time, life's short anyway and I don't really mind if mine's cut even shorter. As long as I have some fun before I go."

"You know, most people practically beg me not to take them."

Hoseok shrugged. "I guess I'm not most people. I definitely don't care as much about the future or whatever."

"And why's that?" Hyungwon tilted his head to the side, intrigued by what Hoseok had to say and his general attitude.

Hoseok sighed. "Well, I look at everyone around me and they know what they want to do. They know where they want to be in life and they're going for it. Then you've got me. I… I know what I want, but I also know I'm not good enough for it. I don't have the talent and I'm too scared of failure to pursue it, because if I do and I fail I have no fallback. My family can't afford that. I have to go to college so I have options in life and I can provide, but if I go to college I'll end up in some job purely because it pays and I'll miss my chance to do what I really want to do. I'll end up miserable."

Hyungwon nodded, then gazed at Hoseok's sinking body. "So you decided to swim out into the riptide and let yourself drown."

Hoseok chuckled. "That's dark, man. And hey, it wasn't intentional. I didn't know there was a rip here. I suppose it does take away some of the pressure though."

Before long, Hoseok was once again separated from Hyungwon when his friends realized that he'd been gone far too long and sent the nearby lifeguard on duty to save him. Hyungwon looked longingly after Hoseok, and wondered why he kept letting the boy escape again and again when Hoseok never even asked to stay alive.

The fourth time Hyungwon met Hoseok, he'd been a second year college student struggling with grief. By the time Hyungwon reached Hoseok, he lay in the bathtub, his body cold, his fingertips frigid, and his lips tinged blue. Rather than the curiosity that occupied his eyes during their last three meetings, Hoseok's eyes were filled to the brim with pure rage.

"Fuck you." It wasn't anything Hyungwon hadn't heard from people before, but for some reason it felt different coming from Hoseok. "Fuck you for taking my mother." Hoseok's rage was controlled, but the way it dripped from every word that left his mouth was evident.

Hyungwon sighed. "I had no choice, I was only doing my job."

"Well, your job is fucking shit." Hoseok spat. Tears began to well up in his eyes. "It's such fucking bullshit."

For once, rather than spring into action and whisk the dying person who lay in front of him off into the afterlife, Hyungwon remained frozen in place. The situation wasn't foreign to him, he knew many people hated him and what he did, but something about Hoseok was different. Rather than bring Hoseok to the afterlife, Hyungwon wanted to stroke his hair and wipe his tears, anything that'd comfort the boy.

After he'd calmed from his outburst, Hoseok opened up to Hyungwon. Darkness shrouded his mind; he continuously felt like a worthless piece of shit, put down by his own thoughts. Despite this, he held on and had been handling everything alright with the help of his friends and family. He always put on a brave front, plastering smiles on his face and making jokes to conceal the pain, but he knew his own breaking point and always had a network of people he could trust to talk to. With the start of college, however, everything got harder again. Leaving his old town meant leaving behind his friends and his family, essentially abandoning his support system. Regardless, Hoseok held strong and managed to keep everything under control.

The love Hoseok held for his mother was astounding. Since his dad left when he was young, it'd just been Hoseok and his mom. It wasn't always easy for a single mother to juggle a job and raising a child, but they made it work. Perhaps Hoseok didn't live the most extravagant of lives, but it was always enough. His mother was someone he adored more than he could put into words, he wanted nothing more than to make enough money to spoil her.

When his mother died, Hoseok felt a hole tear in his chest. It was difficult to breathe with empty space replacing everything that once lay in his torso. Food didn't look appetizing and he slept too much. Nothing in life interested him, and his thoughts only got darker. So here he was, face to face with Death once again.

All of this spilt out of Hoseok, and Hyungwon waited patiently. For whatever reason, Hyungwon wanted to wait for the boy to finish and let him find some degree of peace and comfort before he entered the afterlife, but they spoke for too long. Hoseok's roommate, a nice boy named Kihyun, walked in on his icy figure and called for help before Hyungwon had the chance to pull Hoseok away.

The fifth time Hyungwon met Hoseok, they didn't talk. The interaction had been a short one; Hoseok had intentionally walked into the middle of a busy street. A car was mere inches from hitting Hoseok and Hyungwon briefly made eye contact with the boy, but the car swerved away at the last moment. That time, there was a strange glint in Hoseok's eyes that made Hyungwon feel warmth spread within him. If he didn't know any better, he'd say he was starting to develop feelings for Hoseok, but Hyungwon knew that human emotion was long since behind him. Besides, there was no way Death himself would fall for someone so reckless, as fascinating as he was.

The sixth time Hyungwon met Hoseok, he lay in a pool of his own vomit with scattered pill bottles strewn across the floor. Even in this state, Hoseok smiled at Hyungwon, his eyes holding that same glint from their last meeting. A feeling of concern grew within Hyungwon, a feeling that had lay dormant for so long it felt foreign.

Hyungwon furrowed his brows and asked softly, "Why do you keep doing this?"

Hoseok was slightly taken aback by the question. He'd wanted Hyungwon to be excited to see him again, to want to take him away and spend time together. The sorrow of this apparently not being the case flashed in Hoseok's eyes for a brief moment before he concealed it again and replied, "They don't get it. None of them do. There's a certain comfort I feel around you."

When you've had as many near-death experiences as Hoseok, those around you tend to be quite attentive of your actions. Kihyun found Hoseok quick this time, and Hoseok was pried away from Hyungwon's grasp before Hyungwon had a chance to respond.

The seventh time Hyungwon met Hoseok, Hoseok had taken extra precautions not to be saved. Summertime had rolled around, and Hoseok had a long break before he needed to return to his studies. Needless to say, Kihyun was worried about him, having been there to experience what he thought was Hoseok's metaphorical love-affair with Death. Everyday, Kihyun would give Hoseok a call to check up on whether or not the boy was alright. So Hoseok made up some excuse that he was going to visit his aunt for a few days and that she had awful reception near her house, then charmed an older waitress in a restaurant into pretending to be his aunt to ease Kihyun's mind.

With his overly cautious roommate out of the way, Hoseok drove and drove, seeking out the most isolated place he could find. He settled on a long stretch of road heading towards a dingy small town, one where no cars seemed to pass, before pulling over and stepping out. After a long walk, Hoseok decided he was far enough away that no one would find him. Then, he pulled out the gun he'd acquired earlier that day, aimed for the roof of his mouth, and blasted his own brains out.

When he saw Hyungwon approach, Hoseok cracked a smile and gestured around.

"No one's saving me this time."

Hyungwon let out a sigh. "That's unfortunate."

"Why? I can finally spend time with you. You're so much more interesting that anyone else I've ever met."

"I can't stay around after I transport you to the afterlife, you know. I'm just here to carry souls over."

Hoseok's face paled, he hadn't considered the possibility that he wouldn't be able to see Hyungwon in death. "Can't you just keep me around? Make me your assistant or something?"

Hyungwon's expression darkened at Hoseok's suggestion. "I don't think you understand what becoming like me entails. I'd never want you to go through that process."

"I could handle it."

"I have no doubt that you could, but you'd come out… different. I don't want that."

Hoseok ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "Then what can we do?"

"Can you move your physical body? Try to get some help?" As soon as the words left Hyungwon's mouth, he was surprised at his own willingness to help a soul he was meant to take. He was never like this, he took his job and his duty very seriously. Additionally, Hyungwon knew the situation was hopeless. The remains of what had been Hoseok's head laid splattered across the ground, there was no saving him now.

"I… I can't." Hoseok replied, defeated.

Hyungwon looked at Hoseok. His eyes were filled with sorrow, something he hadn't experienced for a very long time.

After a pause, an idea hit Hoseok and he asked, "What would happen if I just stayed like this? Not quite alive but not quite dead?"

Hyungwon shook his head. "After a certain point, you'd no longer be able to go back or move on. Your human memories and emotions will begin to fade."

"If it means I can stay with you, that doesn't sound so bad."

"You can't."

"What? Why not?" Hoseok practically yelled, desperate to remain with Hyungwon.

"There can't be two beings in this state of in-between for an extended period of time. I'll disintegrate."

"So there's no way we can stay together?"

"No." Hyungwon replied solemnly.

"And you can't just, you know, ‘move on' or whatever with me?"

"Not unless someone takes my place, no."

"With all these people so terrified of dying, can't you find _someone_?"

"Carrying souls is a thankless and joyless job, not very many people pursue it. Although - "

"What?" Hoseok interrupted, desperate for Hyungwon to offer a solution to this predicament.

"If a troubled soul who lived as they would die happened upon me, then that person would automatically take my place." Hoseok's eyes lit up, and Hyungwon sighed. "Don't get your hopes up though, the last time that happened was over a thousand years ago."

"Is that what happened with you?"

"Yes, although my human memories have long since faded and I don't quite remember what my life entailed."

Hoseok paused, looking at Hyungwon sadly. "So I guess this is goodbye."

"Indeed."

"Then…" Hoseok didn't finish what he meant to say before he grabbed Hyungwon's face and pressed their lips together, licking into his mouth with need. After a second of shock, Hyungwon leaned in and kissed back. When they broke apart, Hoseok smiled, a bittersweet curve of his lips unlike the smiles Hyungwon had witnessed from him before. "If this is the last time we see each other, I needed to do that before we parted."

With that, Hyungwon escorted Hoseok to the afterlife. After he watched Hoseok set foot in a realm he couldn't enter himself, Hyungwon touched his lips, savoring the feeling. It confused him, the warmth that filled him when their lips touched and the pain swelling in his chest as he watched Hoseok walk away. It was something Hyungwon hadn't felt for what seemed like an eternity, but it was pleasant.

In the hundreds of years that passed after Hoseok's death, Hyungwon grew weary of the countless souls he had to carry over. No one else he met had that same sparkle in their eyes or that same smile, and no one else stirred up the _human_ emotion that laid dormant for centuries. After what felt like an eternity, he met a boy named Changkyun who bore the weight of responsibility on his shoulders and the essence of death in his heart. Their roles reversed; Changkyun became Death and bore the burden of the title while Hyungwon was finally put to rest. It seemed incredibly natural when Changkyun accompanied Hyungwon to the afterlife, as if he'd been tailor made for the role.

When Hyungwon entered the realm of the dead, he was greeted by a familiar face with a familiar grin. Hyungwon felt a rare smile tugging on his own lips when he looked at the boy.

"Hey, you." Hoseok greeted warmly.

"You… you actually waited." Hyungwon replied. As the embodiment of Death, he'd never pegged himself as a romantic, yet there he was, feeling improbably moved.

"All four hundred and seventy eight years, six months, and twenty nine days."

"You've been counting?"

"I have."

"I can't believe you waited nearly five hundred years for me." Hyungwon felt tears threaten to pool in his eyes, but he held him back. He wasn't the type to display much emotion and intended to keep it that way.

Hoseok's grin spread wider at Hyungwon's words. "I'd wait five hundred more if I had to, every moment was worth it."

When their lips touched again, Hyungwon swore he could stay that way forever.

**Author's Note:**

> [3/30/16, 10:40:44 PM] kihyun trash: a thousand years by christina perri is the soundtrack for it
> 
> and thus the title of this fic was chosen
> 
> i actually like this fic and i hope you guys like it too idk
> 
> then again i was iffy 'bout my jesus christ fic but you guys seemed to like that so _who knows_


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